The new President of the United States of America, Donald Trump, is in office and will now implement his campaign promises into actions. First, the border to Mexico should be secured with a wall. But is a single wall – as high and impregnable it might seem at first sight – enough? After all, Mexicans aren’t the only ones that threaten and furtively watch Trump’s „American first”. We have intrigued the American President and managed to win him over for a fictitious interview.
SATIRE BRUTALLY SERVED: Mr. President, do you really think that the wall at the Mexican border will effectively protect the USA from uncontrolled immigration of drug dealers, criminal, and terrorists?
Donald Trump: It is the first step!
SBS: Okay, but what are the next steps? Due to “America first”, the United States are now highly attractive for any form of immigration. And there is the nearly unprotected Canadian border in the north where a lot of Canadians, Indians, and Inuits live. What happens if they all invade into your American Cockaigne?
Trump: What’s stopping us from building a wall there too?
SBS: At the times of the cold war, America forced the Soviets to build a wall at the border to the free world so that the Bolshevik hordes couldn’t attack us. Did it really protect us? Aren’t we now stuck with Merkel as the Federal Chancellor and even had to helplessly watch how she first destroyed the D-Mark and then our savings on top of that to now shred our birds with these grisly wind turbines?
Trump: Admittedly, Merkel is a plague. But we just simply won’t let her in.
SBS: Have you ever thought about how all of these refugees from Syria came to Germany? And additionally, the many criminals and – not to forget – the terrorists as well?
Trump: Through Austria?
SBS: Of course, but how did they get to Austria? Across the vast sea! Do you realize that you have a whole lot of that soup on your coasts?
Trump: Okay, I guess we will have to build walls there too.
SBS: You know it. But, let’s learn that there are 7 billion people in this world, and less than 400 million of them are Americans. Inevitably, the entire rest is going to vehemently push to America to participate in “America first”.
Trump: You can really give a good scare.
SKS: And there is a lot more to come. Just take a look at your major cities. There are tons of people of color hanging around everywhere that, as you know, didn’t vote for you. And your police officers are whacking them every day from dawn to dusk. Have you never noticed that they still aren’t becoming any less?
Trump: They don’t even get involved in „America first”!
SBS: But they are there, taking away jobs from your countrymen, and then impertinently vote for the Democrats! Do you also want to build walls around the major cities so they can’t get out? And what use is that if the jobs are in those cities?
Trump: Okay, you have opened my eyes, now I know how the wind blows!
SBS: On how you do politics, in a zigzag?
Trump: No, to get rid of all the economic refugees, criminals and terrorists, we are building a massive bunker that will easily survive a nuclear strike. We will only let the good Americans in, and my Government of course. And only there we will create the jobs for „America first”!
SBS: And you firmly promise to take your countrymen in there with you, and that they all will stay there forever to enjoy „America first“?
Trump: That’s the plan!
SBS: Mr. President, thank you very much for this enlightening conversation…