Why showers do not necessarily have anything to do with cleanliness

For Steffi (who is now 29 years old again)

A large German newspaper has asked a question in one of their articles: When is the best time of the day to take a shower? Well, the editor, who should deal with this important service issue, listlessly wrote that one could choose between morning and evening. At least she still knew that one should absolutely consider what shower type (the morning type or evening type) he is when choosing the time of the day.

Well, of course, real shower experts already know that there are many more shower types and daytimes:

Shower Type 1 –
the morning grouch (Harald)

Harald has to shower to even wake up. He is in a bad mood afterward because the water got in his ears and nose, and his girlfriend Tina did not kick the backdoor man out of the apartment yet. Because this means that the morning quickie has to take place lonesomely in the bathroom again. He has a cramp in his right arm afterward.

Shower Type 2 –
the backdoor man (Werner)

The backdoor man also showers in the morning (directly after Harald) because he was shagging Tina all night and can sleep a lot better if he showers.

Shower Type 3 –

Tina is off today and showers – you will guess it – in the morning as well. And it is needed after the hot night of love with Werner. After, she cannot resist going back to the bedroom again to wake up Werner. Both decide to pull off another quickie.

Shower Type 4 –
Werner (the backdoor man)

Werner showers after the quickie (around 10 am) while Tina is making breakfast. That happened quickly, and Tina is joining him in the shower. Werner is happy that he absorbed two blue pills before the quickie.

Shower Type 5 –
Tina (and the backdoor man)

Tina and Werner have a big problem when showering. It is called ‚Achim‘ and is Werner’s Viagra-doped giant cock. Unfortunately, there is not enough room to shower in the small stall, which is why both unavoidably had to get it on on the shower mat until noon. ‚Achim‘ is then gone and both can finally shower.

Shower Type 6 –
Rüdiger (the nighttime bus driver)

Rüdiger likes to shower around noon, he then either comes back from a hot night of love. Or, he has been through a foursome and is now showering with the three playmates. As an expert, Rüdiger has, needless to say, a magnum shower stall.

Shower Type 7 –
Tina‘s best friend (Uschi, with Tina and ‚Vibro-Achim‘)

Uschi visits Tina around 13 am because she hoped that Wener is still there. However, he is asleep but due to exhaustion, and Tina shows Uschi her waterproof ‚Achim‘ – a vibrating replica of Werner’s pride and joy. The two get in the shower full of expectations. Due to lack of a magnum-stall, they had to test ‚Vibro-Achim‘ on the shower mat.

Shower Type 8 –
Werner (with Tina, Uschi, ‚Achim‘, ‚Vibro-Achim‘ and Rüdiger)

After Werner woke up in the early afternoon, the three of them decide that the bed is too small for Werner, Tina, Uschi, Achim and Vibro-Achim, and not to mention the shower stall. Therefore, all four are driving to Rüdiger, the nighttime bus driver. He invites all five into his magnum shower stall, where they are hitting it until the evening.

Shower Type 9 –
Harald (with Tina, Uschi, Werner, ‚Achim‘, ‚Vibro-Achim‘ and Rüdiger)

Harald is tired of using the bathroom at night in the empty apartment – his right arm still hurts terribly. Therefore, he goes to see Rüdiger, and now even the magnum shower is bursting at the seams. It does not matter, the seven experience that the evening shower upstages all the other types.

Caution: Women can gain a bit of weight when showering all together

FBI Boss Comey: „Aren’t we all a bit like Hitler?“

The sudden revelations of the FBI in the matter of email affair just before the presidential election are not an accident. FBI boss, James Comey is obviously politically much closer to Donald Trump than Hillary Clinton. Trump is a racist out of conviction und Comey is obviously in no way inferior to him.

Only in 2015, the FBI Director in Washington held a speech about the always topical issue ‘Whacking Colored People’ and finally opened the eyes of the world: A little racism, as Comey’s words to that effect, is quite normal.

This does not only concern the police, but every person has unconsciously prejudices when standing in front of a black man. The FBI veteran knows, “People just react differently to a black face than a white one.”

We have held a fictitious short interview with the FBI boss after this speech and asked him a few questions about this baffling theory.

Satire brutally served: Mr. Comey, if you meet a person with a dark taint on the road – what thoughts spontaneously come to your mind?

James Comey: I cannot help but thinking ‘bimbo’!

Sbs: Isn’t that very politically incorrect?

JC: No, you wanted to know what spontaneously comes to my mind. And that’s ‚Bimbo‘. By the way, this goes for all people in the world, no matter what race they are!

Sbs: The swarthy are people too! Moreover, you claim that ‚Bimbo’ also spontaneously crosses their mind if they, for example, look in the mirror?

Sbs: Of course, or even ‚Nigger‘. They often call each other ‚Nigger’ when they are among themselves. So, is that politically correct?

Sks: If you meet your president Barrack Obama, do you call him ‘Nigger’ as well?

JC: No, just ‚Bimbo’. We somehow have to distinguish ourselves from these ordinary vermin!

Sbs: Okay, let’s say you are traveling to Africa. As we know, the colored ones are significantly outnumbered there. What would you say if they would call you ‚Bimbo’ because you are white?

JC: They would never get that idea. They know exactly that only black people are ‚Bimbos’.

Sbs: And what do the Africans call you?

JC: White bread. Is that politically correct?

Sbs: Well, grub would be worse.

JC: Well, great, why not give them tips!

Sbs: Well, the term ‚Bimbo‘ is one thing, but whacking poor people on every corner is another thing. Or does every person do that spontaneously as well?

JC: Alright, that may be a little exaggerated occasionally. I admit, beatings would probably be enough sometimes.

Sks: But beatings are already very common with the US police. But does the poor black guy, if already unconsciously laying on the ground, have to be ‘shot on the run’?

JC: That depends on the situation. But in principle, they are used to it by now and they basically don’t expect anything else.

Sbs: Then they probably don’t even investigate when the Al-Qaeda snuff Mr. Obama?

JC: Something like that would be somewhat dubious, they are just ordinary cameleers after all!

Sbs: Mr. Comey, thank you for the honest conversation.

Dear readers, you now know that Mr. Comey is not undeservingly considered a liberal in the United States…

FBI Boss James Comey – or „one of us,” as one cares to say in the US at the extremely
dedicated ‚Ku Klux Klan‘ organization.

Why a clown should not be at a kid’s birthday party

Clowns were always good for entertainment but in a much creepier rather than humorous way. Clowns are not funny; kids, as well as adults, are scared of them. Rightly so, because these guys hide their real faces behind red noses and thick makeup, which barely allow any emotion even if there would be one, for no reason.

No, clowns can usually be found at the circus or fair. Everything was pretty much always creepy there. In earlier times, disfigured people and animals, exhibited at fairs, disturbing curiosities that no one would have wanted in their living room. Even today, there are haunted houses that are anything but funny or entertaining for kids as well as adults.

Up until today, there really are only dangerous attractions at the circus, acrobats do gymnastics under the roof of the tent without a safety net and, in the best case, no one gets hurt. Or, they animate large predators in cages to tricks and, again, no one gets injured or killed at best.

The clowns provide apparent variety in this grisly environment. However, are these guys, who hide beneath their makeup and seemingly funny disguise, really harmless? Do they not usually crack jokes at the expense of the most squeamish children, whom they fool or present?

Don’t parents say things like “don’t be like that” much more often, as in “isn’t this funny”? There is a reason why clowns are found at movie theaters and especially in horror films. Because at the days of fairs or if a circus is in town, there sometimes are mysterious deaths that can never really be resolved. Quite a few people know this and the laughter gets stuck in their throat only for that reason.

It is not uncommon for kids to disappear at the fair or circus to never reappear anywhere again. No matter how intensely these desperate parents research and investigate, the little ones remain vanished as if they have fallen off the face of the earth.

And when criminal police officers interrogate clowns, they give vague answers, without visible emotion, because even without makeup and disguise, clowns remain devious and always seem a little cunning and sly. Such a person always somehow seems unreal, like a shell that conceals something indefinable.

Only if someone manages to watch a clown completely unnoticed, some of his gruesome and disturbing ways become visible. For example, when he puts a live bug or an unwary mouse in his huge mouth and looks out for the next bite while gleefully chowing down on it.

You can tell how dangerous the vicinity of a clown is by the behavior of animals. Because neither dogs nor cats, rabbits or guinea pigs can deal with being close to him. Even the predators at the circus become very restless in their cages when a clown shows up.

No one knows where these ghoulish figures come from and where they go. It is rumored that a kind of zombie is hiding underneath that human facade, but no one really knows for sure. Because people, who are too much interested in clowns, disappears without a trace, forever…

Clowns – The laughter…

…will stick in your throat


The unstoppable rise of Donald Trump

The unstoppable rise of Donald Trump – Part 1:
Why Donald Trump’s election for the President of the United States probably cannot be prevented anymore

Donald Trump (69), presidential candidate for the Republican party, is, since the Declaration of Independence, more successful than every other candidate for this high position in the US history. He has the best chances to beat Hillary Clinton because he understands how to activate the scariest instincts of US hillbillies at every given opportunity, and to burn prejudice and hatred into their minds. That is what his opponents say.

However, this alone cannot really explain the mysterious success of this swearing troll. Because Americans do expect not only assertiveness of their president but also a minimum of intelligence. George „Double-U“ Bush was at least able to tie his shoes on his own.

Meanwhile, the situation has gotten considerably worse. After it was revealed that Trump now even wins over the sympathy of the young offspring. Under very strange circumstances, a very sensitive and very prudent 9-year-old girl named Eva Langley* suddenly mutated into a fierce Trump-fan. It is unbelievable, but the little Eva now thinks that Trump’s „hair” is just awesome as his vulgar remarks against everything that is not white and hillbilly. Trump’s opponents suspect that the girl could have undergone through a brain-washing.

The American Federal Bureau of Investigation has been suspicious for a while that something about the resounding success of multi-billionaire is very fishy. But despite careful monitoring, there is still no evidence, only speculations.

A homeless man claims that he saw how Trump’s grisly hairpiece suddenly moved after dark. It supposedly really came to life and came out of the Trump’s skull escaping into a dense bush. However, the eyewitness was apparently three sheets to the wind at the time.

On the same day, the 32-year old Mary Simmons* discovered a bizarre and ruffled piece of fur between the stuffed animals of her 8-year-old daughter Wendie*. She put on rubber gloves, grabbed the gross thing, and tried to dispose it in the waste container. However, the hairy monster defended himself and was floundering so wildly that Mary finally had to let it go. It quickly disappeared into the darkness.

When a commercial of Donald Trumps was on TV the next day, the woman could not believe her eyes: The hairy monster, which escaped in the night, throned Trump’s edged skull. She immediately went to the police, but when the officials checked Trump’s toupee, it was floppy and lifeless again.

On the same evening, the 9-year-old Eva must have been attacked and infected by the hair piece. This epidemic escalated and is probably unstoppable ever since. After the innocent children, even adults are now infected with this plague. Formerly declared opponents of Trump are now suddenly running up to the guy to enthusiastically shake his hand.

Unfortunately, Eva’s parents were throwing all warnings of the FBI to the wind. Instead of packing their deliriously nonsense babbling child into a straitjacket and having it put into an artificial coma by disease specialist at the hospital, Eva’s producer promptly initiated another meeting of the poor girl with Donald Trump. When they informed the daughter of this good news – of course coincidentally in front of a running smartphone camera – the little girl completely freaked out, became hysterical, and eventually went completely nuts…

*Name changed

unstoppable rise Donald Trump

Close-up of Trump’s toupee – if it winks at you, it is already too late…

unstoppable rise Donald Trump

…and that is what Trump’s hairpiece looks like in the body scanner when checking in at the airport

Video recording of Eva’s reaction when she learned of her meeting with Donald Trump (re-staged with actors for youth protection)…

unstoppable rise Donald Trump
This 9-Year-Old Is Very Excited to See Donald Trump (Storyful, Kids)

The unstoppable rise of Donald Trump – Part 2:
How Donald Trump almost effortlessly wins over voters to his side

The US election is heating up – it is certain now: Donald Trump is the presidential candidate of the Republicans. Hillary Clinton has finally prevailed against Bernie Sanders. But does it really matter who eventually loses against Trump?
That son of a bitch keeps gaining sympathies with the electorate – he even miraculously scores with people who hated him until now. So, for example, he insulted a Puerto Rican, who immediately ran to the District Attorney and wanted to report Trump. The attorney asked: „What did he call you? ‚Chicken fucker’ or ‚child molester’?” „No, ‚asshole’,” the man growled. The attorney looked at him blankly: „Then you should feel special, that is what he usually only calls his best friends!”

When Trump was confronted with our story by a reporter, in which we accuse his toupee of developing an independent existence and attacking people, he just grinned and murmured to him: „The hair on my head is real of course, even in school they always called me Yeti because of my mane. But if I had a toupee, it would be one like this!” He called us afterwards and wanted to commit us as a PR consultant.

However, some of his ex-wives doubt that he has ever visited a school. Even psychologists think that it is unlikely: Even a honk (main school graduate without significant knowledge) has a larger vocabulary than Trump, and only about half of them are fecal – or swear words. With Trump, however, every sentence would consist of at least three-quarters of expletives of the nastiest category. Not including the usual insults.

Trump’s shrinks think that his airs and graces regarding his ‚hair‘ are most notable. The guy is known to only let a few selected people touch the hairy part of his skull. The hair spray that he is spraying on it for hours probably has a numbing effect on the toupee, which obviously doesn’t like to be touched.

No one knows where he has found this outrageous mop. Ex-wife Ivanka Trump supposedly once said that the thing „strayed“ to him, but then was probably silenced with money.

However, a very hot trail is leading to California, where the witch Joey Talley frees her customer’s computers from viruses and malware with magic and herbs. She supposedly brought Trump’s triumph by „healing“ his head. Confidants of the witch say that she has resolved a blockade in Trump’s brain that was preventing hair growth. However, the newly grown hair has very strange properties – that it can only be combed to the front is probably the most harmless by far. Less confidence-inspiring: The mop has its own metabolism – that should give us all something to think about…

unstoppable rise Donald Trump

Joey seems to have resolved many blockages in Trump…

unstoppable rise Donald Trump
Joey Talley’s information video on YouTube – if your computer is virus-infested, or find a toupee useful that clings to your head, snaps at the hairdresser and seeks its food itself, then you should check her out… (A click on the image brings you to the YouTube video)

Why only conspiracists know the entire terrible truth

Are there twins that look completely identical even though they are not related at all? The photographer Neil D. from the Scottish Glasgow wanted to meet a few friends in Ireland and drink a few beers with them. So he boarded a plane in London-Stansted. When he reached his seat, he could not believe his eyes: He was sitting there already.

At least the guy sitting on his seat looked exactly like Neil: Red hair, full red beard, and a broad grin. Even monozygotic twins rarely looked this astonishingly identical.

The very eerily familiar stranger introduced himself as Robert S. and told the wide-eyed Neil that he was from Redbridge. He politely scooted over so Neil could sit down. The two of them sat next to each other the entire plane ride and had a great conversation. They booked the same hotel in Ireland, permanently ran into each other at the local pub and always drank a pint together, and got along very well, as if they had been friends their entire life.

While still in the plane, Neil sent a selfie with Robert to the cell phone of his wife, who then spread it to all of their friends. Somebody posted it on Twitter, and over 9000 people have immediately seen the picture of the not related twins and it kept spreading. An unbelievable story, but it was documented so intensely that nobody could doubt the facts.

On the other hand, researchers have calculated that the chance of two people being so similar is one in 500 to 700 million. And monozygotic twins are already included in this calculation.

That is why conspiracists firmly believe that aliens are working on taking over the world by transforming themselves into specific persons whom they then let disappear so they can take their place on earth.

According to the said conspiracists, no one can exactly tell how many people have already been replaced by identical-looking aliens in this way. With the vanishing small chance that two identical people are sitting directly next to each other on an airplane, booked the same hotel and are suddenly friends, we can only think of two reasonable explanations.

  1. Something went wrong at the airport so that the alien could not cause the target person to vanish. It was too late once inside the airplane, and the alien will have to establish his own life on earth, he can no longer take Neil’s place because of the selfie and its quick circulation.
  1. The alien belongs to a resistance group that disapproves of the devious takeover of the earth, and maybe even sabotages it. Then he deliberately reprieved Neil, and simply did not complete his order. Quite the opposite, he is now going to protect Neil so no other alien can take him over.

We will never know the truth. How would we if we all were eliminated and replaced by identical aliens. Only Neil and a handful of other lucky ones – who were spared as well – went (if explanation two is true) to take on the struggle against the ineffable evil. Good luck to you boys and girls…

The buddies Neil and Robert:

The stewardess on the flight also met an ominous look-alike, they both are sharing a pizza in the picture

Neil’s daughter Caprice with her new best friend

From desires of the female psyche in the dark dungeon of civil convention

Psychologists have determined by questioning women of different age groups in various surveys that the lovely womanhood was definitely not made for monogamous relationships.

Deep inside, our girls would love to do pub tours with guys all night, permanently let it all hang out, and sneak another one-night stand every night. However, their sexuality is imprisoned in the endless deep dungeon of the bourgeois convention.

Men can act out their desires and barely need to consider conventions and religious prudishness because no one expects them to. If a man romps around the nightlife and screws one chick after another, he is considered a favorite with the ladies, as a successful playboy who has the world at his feet. A woman who does the same thing is a slut.

From conviction, most men actually firmly believe that women are decent, reliable, faithful – simply exemplary. However, ever since the American journalist Gillian Telling blew the whistle on the depths of the female psyche, boys are gradually getting an idea of the longings that slumber deeply inside the well-mannered womanhood, just waiting to be finally awakened.

Subconsciously, our girls are nothing but cute sex monsters that are not suitable for monogamous connections and, therefore, are often bored by a partner within a few days, and latest after three years, every relationship is finally running out of steam.

Then Women are only kidding themselves and are clinging to material security, the next generation, and society. So, most women stay with a partner until spiritual desolation to meet the expectations of their environment and dutifully abide good conventions invented by dried up, bitter and envious old priests.

Our ladies paid a high price for their image of a faithful mother and clean monogamous woman. These poor women can actually consider themselves lucky if their partners are looking for a younger one in their late 40s, and they are finally available for new relationships. However, most of them are no longer able to turn around their life by then…

The woman and the animal inside her…